Emily Yu - Week 5: Why
Even though I live in the same country and attend the same school as my friends, I still feel a little different. They talk about movies I haven't watched and fast food places I've never tried. I grew up in America, but being surrounded by Japanese people made my everyday life feel different from others. The expectations and reminders that shaped my childhood taught me to see the world through a Japanese perspective. Yet when I step outside to a new environment, everything I considered normal wasn't normal. This confused me. Something everyone agreed on and felt so obvious before doesn't seem so obvious anymore. It's strange to grow up believing you understand where you belong, only to discover that the world does not always work with the same rules.
I never really understood this difference until I became friends with more American kids in high school. I met new people and saw new things; essentially, I discovered America after living there for fifteen years. I hear my friends discussing movies, and fast food restaurants they always go to that I've never heard of. I see people being direct and speaking up for themselves and laughing as loud as they want. In Japan, certain expectations are simply understood: read the atmosphere, be a pushover, don't say what you think, just abide and do what you are told. You are a group—a community—so do everything the same way everyone else does; we are all the same. I grew up surrounded by these unspoken rules, trusting that following them was part of how life worked; it never even occurred to me to ask why. But in America, people are encouraged to speak up, express themselves, and challenge expectations. I began to question the habits that felt so natural to me; what happens when the laws you used to abide by don't follow the world you live in?
I feel this contradiction immensely when I think about nomikai, the Japanese tradition of drinking together after work. The importance of drinking was always emphasized when I was younger: “You need to know how to drink because refusing to drink can make it harder to connect with coworkers or gain approval of people above you.” As a girl, these expectations were complicated. However, in America, you don't need to drink to be respected at workplaces; in fact, it's even looked down upon by many.
I struggled with these expectations for so long. My mom and I argued often because of these opposing values, and it didn't help that I grew up speaking three languages in a household where we only spoke one. I wished they could just recognize how hard I was trying to conform to 2 cultures and 3 languages while unable to perfect any of them. Now, when my mom and I argue or when I find myself contemplating what's right, I begin to ask why.
It has always been interesting to me the way that you take in information and adapt. As one of your “American kids in high school” that you are friends with, there have definitely been moments where our cultural differences have become obvious.
ReplyDeleteIt’s odd, because we are both mixed and half Chinese. We both were raised in Fremont; in fact, we went to the same grade school for a few years. Yet, we have completely different experiences in life and drastically different personalities and tendencies.
I have seen you adapt in real time, both emotionally and culturally. In the four years we have been friends, I have seen you become increasingly outspoken, something that I am extremely proud of. You express yourself more often, even if it is difficult at times. Culturally, I am mostly talking about cuisine. You told me once that you did not ever really eat at restaurants, which is why you were so unfamiliar to the different types of food that exist in the Bay. Now, you not only have tried many new foods, but you crave them.
Even though we were raised with different values, I have enjoyed seeing our different mannerisms and whatnot mix and rub off on each other. I can only hope you feel the same way!
Hey Emy! I like how your piece provides an insightful look into the complexities of growing up between Japanese and American cultures, particularly the struggle to reconcile expectations that often contradict one another. Your reference to unfamiliar movies, fast food restaurants, and differences in conversational behavior highlights how insignificant social experiences can reinforce feelings of exclusion. The statement about discovering America after living there for fifteen years is especially effective as it captures the irony of being physically raised in a country while remaining culturally unfamiliar with aspects of its society. The example of nomikai is interesting because it demonstrates hat culture traditions can extend beyond personal preference and become social obligations. Rather than presenting American and Japanese cultures as opposites, you showed how navigating their differences creates internal conflict.
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