Sairishitha Week #4: A Third of the Story
Growing up, I binged Stuck in the Middle on the norm on YouTube. It follows a girl, Harley Diaz, and her family of nine through their shenanigans and busy suburban life. Harley, having six siblings, was the middle child. The chaotic nature of her family drives her to engineer inventions that solve her family’s everyday problems, such as the “Mom Tracker” and “Cheddar Shirley.”
I, too, am the middle child. I have a younger brother, 13 years old, and an older sister, 22 years old. Although growing up and watching this show made me try to relate to Harley, I never was able to. It may be different in a household of nine, but in mine of 5, my voice was never overshadowed or minimized like Harley’s constantly was.
One of the show’s most viral moments was when Harley said if she was a day, she would be “Wednesday.” The most overlooked, ignored day of the week because her parents forgot her birthday. (This segment went viral because Harley, played by Jenna Ortega, went on to play Wednesday Addams from Wednesday years later!)
However, despite our awkward age gaps, I am still able to connect with both of them, having been taught the same lessons growing up. We play games and cook together, but we still have our own individual interests.
But there has never been an opportunity for my identity to be ignored. For instance, I am constantly told that I have the loudest voice in my family, but they still allow me to vent my frustration or moments of joy as I please.
During the summer before starting middle school, I went on a family vacation to India, where I was met with the question, “Who is the smartest sibling?” by an elderly auntie.
Are you serious?
My sister quickly came to our rescue to defuse the situation before I was able to respond. I was still twelve years old, my brother was ten, and my sister had just graduated from high school less than a month ago.
How are we comparing a third grader to a soon-to-be college student? My brother was learning how to add fractions, my sister had taken AP Calculus, and I was somewhere in the middle.
My sister has had many more years than my brother to make mistakes, to learn, and to explore, which is evident in who they are today, so it is not a fair comparison in any regard.
I could not believe we were even asked that. My parents did not raise us to think of each other as competitors. We were all in different stages of our own lives. Yes, I did often copy my sister because I looked up to her growing up, but I was still my own person.
Harley’s inventions help her to stand out from her siblings, growing her own identity; mine grows from the fact that I was never forced to distinguish myself from anyone to be seen.
Hello Sairi! Your story reminded me of how comparing siblings and kids seems to be very embedded into Indian culture. No matter what I do, it feels like my relatives will compare me to that one cousin that is 5 years older than me and is ‘cracked’ at everything that they do. Whenever I visit India or talk to relatives they ask questions like who gets better grades and who is smarter. It feels like I am being measured against someone else instead of being recognized for my own progress.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this kind of comparison can really get to people. If you’re being told that someone else is smarter or doing better than you, you will never feel like you are doing enough. I’ve heard relatives compare kids in my family before, and it makes the conversation awkward, because no one knows what to say. I liked how you connected this to Harley because she had to create ways to stand out, while we are fortunate to have space to be our own people. Do you think your experience with your aunt changed the way you respond when other relatives compare you to other people?
Hi Sairi! I also always binged Stuck in the Middle when I was younger, but my background as the older sibling of two really limited the relatability I felt to Harley. I did love watching the show though, albeit mainly for her other siblings’ B-plots, and you weaved Harley’s struggles into your reflection quite smoothly!
ReplyDeleteSimilar to your upbringing, I was never really compared to my sister like that growing up. My sister and I have about the same age gap as you and your brother, since she’s currently in the eighth grade, so we were usually treated as relatively equal in maturity at gatherings. Even now, when she has started to have a lot of the same teachers I did, there haven’t been any discussions comparing what I was doing back then with what she is doing now. I am extremely grateful for my parents emphasizing the importance of never comparing ourselves when we were younger, always citing that siblings are “forever” and your “closest friends.”
I love the way you juxtapose the acceptance your family provides with the critiques of distant relatives. For us, people thought that we looked incredibly similar (too many annoyingly still think we do), and it was always followed by passive-aggressive “jokes” about our personalities that seemed to be comparing our innate positives as people. I hope that the fact that both of our parents each took it upon themselves to counteract this culture of unnecessary competition can work as a sign of a shift towards a more accepting atmosphere in Indian communities.
Hey Sairi! I liked how you connected Stuck in the Middle to your own experiences growing up also as a middle child. I think it is interesting how people can have the same position in their families, but can have different experiences. Usually, middle the child we know online or in television shows are associated with being weird, overlooked, or receiving less attention. But your experiences challenge that stereotype. One part that stood out to me the most was when your aunt asked who the smartest sibling was. I think it is a bit strange how adults sometimes compare siblings without even realizing their action and how it may affect their confidence or relationships with one another. It made me realize that intelligence and success should not be measured by comparing ourselves to one another, especially when everyone is different and develops at their own pace.
ReplyDeleteI found it meaningful when you spoke about how your parents never raised you and your siblings to be competitors. I think that allows everyone to grow as individuals rather than pressuring them. It can be developed when given the freedom to be yourself and not having to fight to stand out in academics and such.